


Die For You

by Ketlenps



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Ben Solo Deserved Better, Depressing, Depressing Reylo, Disney you had one godamn job and it wasn't to kill the last living Skywalker, Drama, Drama & Romance, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, I should write an alternative ending and not even more depressing stuff, Movie: Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, One Shot, Redeemed Ben Solo, Reylo - Freeform, Sad Ending, Suffering, We trusted you J.J., at least Reylo is canon but at what cost right, ben's thoughts, first of all Ben deserved to live, too much pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:34:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22037125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ketlenps/pseuds/Ketlenps
Summary: Ben Solo's thoughts when saving Rey and before dying.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 1
Kudos: 19





	Die For You

> _Even if the sky does fall_
> 
> _Even if they take it all_
> 
> _There's no pain that I won't go through_
> 
> _Even if I have to die for you_
> 
> **Starset - Die For You**

**________________ **

**_Ben._ **

**_Ben, wake up._ **

**_Ben, she needs you._ **

His eyes flew open, darkness greeted him, and for a brief moment, he thought he was dead. There was no pain, his body was numb, weightless, and he almost felt at peace. Finally, the agony, anguish, and conflict were gone. Then he felt it, like a lightsaber piercing through his chest, his muscles were all badly sore, every fiber of his body reacting by sending shocks through his body. Ben Solo shivered, and his numb body from before no longer existed, there was vivid pain now, but it wasn't his injuries that hurt. He felt _empty._

_Rey._

He gasped, breathing with difficulty Ben Solo propped both elbows on the rough floor, his muscles wanting to falter, but he kept going and was able to sit down with wide eyes. 

_Rey._

He took a deep breath again, the emptiness of her presence hurting more than any other wound he'd ever had before. _No. She couldn't be..._ _No._ Hot tears streamed down his cheeks and Ben sobbed loudly, his body convulsing involuntarily. A part of him was dead. He arrived too late. He wasn’t strong enough and Rey was left alone with Palpatine. _No. It should have been me. Not her._

**_Ben, she needs you._ **

His blurry vision was met with a faint bright coming from somewhere up high, a light coming from the stones that covered Ben Solo with its shadows. He looked up, his eyes narrowing at the momentary clarity. He could climb up, there was a wall, he thought he had fallen into an abyss and died, but there was no death, the pain was real and palpable. _No. I can come back. I can help her. She needs me._

_Rey._

Slowly Ben Solo found support in his trembling arms and rose to his feet, he took a step and fell, his hands getting the full impact, his knees stung and his legs weakened, his belly was injured somewhere and he instinctively brought his hand to it, and in response, he received a sharp twinge. He probably had broken bones too, maybe on his leg or chest, he didn’t bother to know. She was more important. Ben took a deep breath, swallowing the lump that closed in his throat. He was weak, couldn't make it, wouldn't make it. He failed her; he was weak. 

**_Ben, keep going._ **

That voice, he knew that voice. He had heard it several times as a child, but always distant. Not Snoke, not Palpatine, not Luke or his mother. But he knew who it was, somehow. 

“I can’t,” Ben Solo breathed weakly, tears falling, his hands trembling and he feared he could no longer have control over his own body. “I failed.” 

**_Ben, keep going._ **

How? He wanted to scream but had no strength to do it, there was a hole inside him, his soul was as weak as his body, how could he keep going knowing he couldn't feel her? He had failed her. He considered giving up and staying there, but something made him feel stronger, he felt a hope grow in the emptiness left by Rey's presence. He had to get to her, it didn’t matter how. Feeling stronger, his body stopped shaking and the pains became numb and imperceptible at that moment. He could rise again. 

_Rey, I'm coming for you._

His steps guided him more firmly this time and Ben gripped the wall desperately. And he climbed up. 

He had never felt so empty, so alone, a part of himself seemed to have ceased to exist. The pain was visceral and immeasurable. It was almost as if he were dead. Why live like this? He couldn't, not without her. She was always connected to him. She was always with him, even though Ben didn't know, they were always together. Destined to be together, they were a Dyad in the Force, one soul. _One._

Ben grunted, his muscles threatening to falter, but he kept climbing. He had to go up. All he wanted now was to be with her. She needed him. All that time as Supreme Leader had been stupidity, a lie, he should have stood beside her after he killed Snoke, he should have gone with her away from the First Order. But he didn’t do that.   
It didn't matter now. He needed to save her. He needed to be by her side one last time. 

His hands finally reached the top and Ben gripped with all his might to lift his body. And then he saw her. Alone, lying on the floor. Immobile. The sight almost made him scream in pain and hatred, almost made him fall back into the abyss and let the deep shadows consume him, so that he could disappear. But none of this occurred. He had her right there, she needed him. He could save her. 

_Rey._

Ben staggered to his feet and limped towards her, but his step failed and he fell. He looked at Rey and then to the ground, his body was searing with pain each time he moved now, he took a deep breath and found his strength again to continue. She needed him and he couldn't fail her. Ben approached and his legs faltered again causing him to fall beside her, for a moment he stopped and stared at her. Feeling her death had been visceral, but seeing her face corroded him inside out. _No, not her. She deserved to live. This shouldn’t have happened._

Dragging his knees and hands, Ben approached and touched her arm first hoping to feel something, any sign of a pulse, even though he knew there wouldn't be; her body was cold, and the ice was like fire on his hand, burning him not only on the outside but on the inside. Ben leaned over her body, one arm wrapping around her waist as the other pulled her arm so he could bring her to his lap carefully. Sitting up, he grasped Rey's neck and was greeted by her lost gaze. 

He gasped, Ben looked around desolated trying to find something in the ruins that surrounded them. There was nothing, he was alone with her dead body on his lap. He felt disoriented, desperate, _what did I do? I should have been by her side, but I was weak and left her alone._ Rey's body was so light in his arms, so vulnerable, so cold. 

When he began to feel compassion for her, he had tried to ignore it and chose to put his anger in its place. When their first connections happened due to their bond with each other, that compassion returned abruptly and fiercely. He thought he could ignore her again, but none of that happened. The days passed and he felt more and more drawn to her, the visions, the dreams, she was always there. There was no escape from reality. He had lied to himself. And now she was gone. It was too late to try to fix the mistakes of the past. 

Ben sank his face into her shoulders, his throat closed. 

He remembered everything. 

He remembered when he was a child and had often watched his mother cook him some food; the times his father took him to fly on the Falcon, his smile when Ben, an enthusiastic young boy, helped him or when they played sabacc together; he remembered Chewie, the Wookie who loved to teach Ben and ruffled his hair every time he got something right; the moments when he was being trained by Luke, so willing to help his sister's son; he had had a family that loved him. 

He loved them. His mother was right, his mother was always right about him. 

Now everyone was gone, there was nothing left for him; no one who would care if he was dead or alive, no one who would miss him, all he had was Rey and she was gone too. Ben couldn't live in a reality without her, he knew, it was impossible; the pain of losing his other half soul was too much, he wouldn’t live longer, it would drive him crazy and he would die. But she deserved it, she should live, she was the last hope for a better future for everyone. He wished he could be part of that, but he knew it wouldn't be possible. It didn’t matter what he wanted now; he could finish all of this in the right way. He didn't care about the First Order, the Resistance, the Jedi or the Sith, no. 

_Rey._

She mattered. She had hope of bringing him back when Ben thought he was already lost; she had believed him when apparently no one else believed. He had already lost his family, why would anyone else care about him? But she cared, even after everything; he knew what he had to do, and there was no uncertainty inside him, Ben Solo had never felt so confident and so obstinate. 

He knew what he had to do. 

_Rey._

Sitting upright, he closed his eyes and laid his hand on her belly and Ben Solo did what was necessary. 

He felt the Force flow through him like heat waves all over his body and then pass into her. Nothing else mattered, there was nothing else around for Ben, just the woman's sensation on his lap and the Force. That had to work, it would work, _it should work._

He felt his last life Force fade inside him and go to her. That emptiness from before was filled by her presence, the pain that was afflicting him was gone, and Ben couldn't be happier. He felt her hand on his. Hot and real. She was touching _his hand_ , Ben Solo's hand that she had tried so hard to bring to her side all that time. He wanted to bring her hand to his lips and kiss her fingers. 

It worked. 

_Rey._

When she opened her eyes, Ben stared at her. Rey blinked; her once lost eyes were now bright and alive. She rose and sat facing him, she looked surprised, almost naively as if it were the first time she had ever seen him. But there was something more on those eyes: _acceptance;_ she was finally seeing him the way he was, who he _really_ was. 

Ben wanted to cry; his breath choked in his throat. He wanted to scream, to grab and lift her in pure happiness; to hug her and sink his face into her chest, listen to her heartbeat and close his eyes so that it would never end. He just wanted to be with her. 

“Ben” Rey smiled. 

She was beautiful. So beautiful. 

Her gaze traveled over every detail on Ben's face and he followed her eyes, never looking away. He could spend the rest of his life in this place, in that position, just having Rey's eyes on him, alive and real. It wasn’t a dream, it was real. She was alive, he hadn’t lost her. It had worked, she would _live._

Her eyes dropped to his lips and Ben felt her hesitation, her hands were around his face almost touching him and Ben found himself craving more than anything for that touch, however, he made no move towards her. But through their bonding, he could feel what she felt. 

Joy, uncertainty, relief; 

Love. 

_Rey._

Her lips met his in a fast, smooth motion, her hands were warm and they gripped Ben's face firmly, her palms and fingers clenched almost desperately as if afraid he wasn't real or he would escape her embrace. Ben's arms wrapped around her gently and he brought her closer. Her lips were too soft for Ben's mouth, they seemed surreal. She was finally in his arms, accepting him, he'd longed for it so long, she was there for him, just as he was for her.

They were finally complete.

When they parted, Rey looked shy for the first time, but still happy, content, her smile said that. He could feel it too, filling him warmly and pleasantly, she was happy that he was with her; Rey was happy to be in _his_ arms, to kiss him, to finally be with _Ben Solo_ and not Kylo Ren. Oh, how he had wished for a moment like this with her. 

He loved this woman and had denied to himself all this time, tried to convince her to join him in the First Order when all she wanted was simply Ben Solo, just who he really was. He had never imagined that even after his return to join her at Exegol, that she would accept him in such lovingly way; so _reciprocal_. Ben was the happiest man right now. He chuckled; it could have been a loud laugh if he had the strength to do it. But he smiled, he didn't remember when it was the last time he'd made that simple gesture, it didn't matter now either. She was there, and alive; _alive_. Rey would live, be with her friends, the people who cared about her, the people she loved and considered family, people who would protect her and defend her if they needed it. She would live, and that was enough for Ben. He saved her and that was enough. He was genuinely happy. 

_Rey._

He wanted to tell her everything he felt, he wanted to apologize for everything he had done to her and her friends, he wanted to say that he would be with her wherever she went and that one day they would meet again and be finally together; that she wouldn't feel empty like he felt with her death because he would be with her always; Ben wanted some more time with her, but he knew he didn't have. Rey's hand grabbed his and Ben returned the gesture with the remaining strength he had, he felt his body weight diminish, a sense of relief and stillness seized him and Ben Solo fell. 

He could still feel Rey's hand: warm and firm; _real._ It was wonderful. Ben Solo had never felt this peaceful before and he was now in the arms of the woman who accepted him even after all the wrong he did; the woman he loved and that now he would be with forever. The woman he died for so she could live. 

He had never been more than happy. 

_Rey._  


**Author's Note:**

> My first language isn't English, so grammar mistakes may have appeared.  
> I should write a happy ending but it seems I like to suffer (*nervous laughter*)  
> Never before a character death affected me so much like Ben Solo's.  
> If you couldn't guess, the voice talking to him was Anakin's (My headcanon is that he helped Ben to go back up for Rey, It's sad we didn't get Anakin and Ben talking with each other in the movies).
> 
> Anyway, thank you for reading.
> 
> #BenSoloDeservedBetter


End file.
